Measuring Up

“I guess I’ll never measure up to anyone’s expectations. I surely don’t measure up to what I’d like to be.” 
— Beatrice Sparks

We all do it to some degree or another, measuring ourselves, our families, our relationships and our lives. Measuring is exhausting.

“Am I doing as good a job parenting as my sister is?”"Is my family healthier and happier than my neighbours?”Am I more forgiving than my father was?” “Am I more to blame for this estrangement than my mother?”

On and on our busy minds go, constantly churning, evaluating, comparing and judging. This mental measuring cannot help but to colour our perceptions of ourselves and of others.

When we come out on top, maybe we allow ourselves to relax and feel good for awhile.Or maybe we don’t. Maybe we feel guilty for feeling better, doing better, having more.

When we don’t come out on top, we beat ourselves up and wonder what is wrong with us? Why do other people have more, or better than what we do?  Why does so and so love them, more than they love me? Why are they so happy and I am not?  We can get caught up in our pain and our sense of lack, only seeing what we don’t have and who isn’t present and failing to see what we do have and who is standing right beside us.

We can put the measuring tape away.

We can return our attention to the here and now.

We can pay attention to what is working in our lives and in our relationships.

It’s storming here this afternoon and I love the rumble of thunder and the patter of rain. The cat is curled up on my lap getting his pur on. The heater is warm and my office is cozy. The tea I am sipping was a recent birthday gift from my best friend who is across the world, but very much right here.

We can focus our energy on experiencing, appreciating and rejoicing … right here, right now.

Measure that.

Post Holiday Gratitude

 

 

“If the only prayer you ever said was thank you, that would be enough.”

~Oprah Winfrey

 

Today is boxing day (well, it is here in Australia!), how are you doing? Have you made it through the most stressful bits of the holiday? Are you almost ready to wind down and pat yourself on the back for getting through another crazy holiday season?  Isn’t it amazing how fast Christmas day actually passes?! So much hype and anticipation; so much to organize, to do, to make happen. So much worrying and fretting over what you think should happen,  then it’s over in a snap! Sometimes the holidays overwhelm and distract us from our centre and we lose our balance. Did this happen to you over the holidays? If it did, it’s ok. Today is a brand new day, with no mistakes in it. We can wake up with fresh eyes and start over.

One simple way to refocus is to think of all the things we have to be grateful for.  This can feel tricky when we are looking at all the places where things haven’t come together. We are far from gratitude when we are focused on our fractured family, thinking about who failed to be present, who failed to give enough, who failed to accept enough, or be enough. We are light years from gratitude when we are feeling sorry for ourselves.

We can turn things around by being grateful, in spite of our circumstances. We open ourselves to being thankful for what we have. We say, thank you, for all that we think, all that we feel, for all that is happening in our lives, even if we don’t like it, even if it isn’t exactly what we want. Gratitude shifts our attention from trying to force issues, push relationships and control outcomes. It opens us to possibility and it certainly moves us from self-pity.

Today, won’t you take fifteen minutes, grab a piece of paper and make a list of all the things you are grateful for this holiday season? Now, take a deep breath in, and say them out loud.

Thank you.