I Don’t Know

‎“ Its important to be comfortable with uncertainty.“

~ Xiaolu Guo

When we are estranged from people we love and care about, it is easy to become anxious, worried and deeply concerned about what we should do about it. We can tie ourselves into absolute knots thinking of the right thing to say or the right thing to do; should I phone? Should I send a letter? Write an email? Should I just drop by? Should I get another family member to intervene on my behalf? Should I apologize? If I apologize can I still be angry? Can I still be hurt?

If you don’t know what to do, that’s ok. You don’t have to have all the answers or figure everything out. Sometimes we need to sit with a circumstance or relationship and be patient until we do know what we want to do.  Sometimes estrangement makes us feel conflicted – we both love the person we are estranged from, yet are very hurt or angry too. We may want desperately to fix things, yet believe it is not in our best interests to make ourselves vulnerable again.

Believe me when I say you do not have to do anything before you are ready. Estrangement often makes us anxious. Sometimes it floods us with a sense of urgency. We are certain if we don’t act in this moment, another moment will never arrive. That is usually not the case. You can take your time. You can wait for clarity to come. You can do all of this and not put your life on hold while you wait. Make it ok for yourself to say, “I don’t know”.

Things to ponder …

• Have you ever felt compelled to urgently do something to solve or resolve your estranged relationship?
• Can you manage the tension of wanting to do something, yet also knowing you are not clear about what to do?
• Can you accept that sometimes doing nothing, is the most important something?

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