A Week of Christmas:Feeling Like the Grinch
Holidays have no pity.
- Eugenio Montale
There’s nothing quite as depressing as seeing Christmas decorations hit the stores in October, and to have people chorusing ” merry Christmas, happy holidays” for a month and a half before the blessed event. Especially when you are pretty darn sure there isn’t gonna be much merry or happy about it.
We forget sometimes in our haste to spread holiday cheer that there are many people out there who aren’t going to have a happy holiday and who won’t be surrounded by family, friends, gatherings and gifts … who may very well end up alone, sitting in front of the tv with a frozen turkey microwave dinner. That person could even be … us.
It’s a grim picture I have painted and we certainly can make some choices about how we spend our Christmas – many of us however, will be unable to create the myth of the season, no matter how hard we wish or try.
The myth of Christmas tells us that everyone is cocooned in a loving family happily gathered ALL together in good cheer. Between Thanksgiving to New Years we are supposed to be getting enough familial love to carry us through many months worth of the next year. Well, this is a family estrangement blog – and lets face it, that is just not reality for most of us reading here. And that’ s okay. It really is.
Just because our entire family, or maybe even none of our family, will be coming together to celebrate the holidays … doesn’t mean that there is anything wrong with us. Just because we may not be feeling the full meal festive deal … doesn’t mean that we are Grinches. Feeling down or depressed over the holiday season is understandable but it is not inevitable. Just because we might not have the healthiest of families doesn’t mean that there is nothing for us to be grateful for or to celebrate.
I’m not trying to talk you out of your funk, or your sadness. If you are sad, there’s probably a good reason for that. If you aren’t feeling festive, there’s probably reasons for that too. It’s quite okay to feel what you feel. At the same time I want to acknowledge your power and capacity to make healthy choices for yourself. There’s lots of options for how to spend your Christmas. It may be you will spend the holiday with the family members who are present. It may be you spend it with friends. It may be you find yourself spending some of your holidays with a senior citizen or homeless person you have never even met. It may just be you celebrating with you.
One could say that holidays are a test of emotional resilience and maturity. Those who have the heart to celebrate will do so, in whatever way fits for them, or in no way at all.
You will too.
It is true there are a lot of people who will not have a merry Christmas this year or into the future. We all know people like that and last night I had a call from a precious woman who was crying and distraught. She echoed what I certainly feel to be the best comfort when one is down and plagued by situations and that is to be left alone and to retreat to one’s hideaway…I have several and most of them are physical locations far from the maddening crowd. My favorite escape and recovery technique I wait impatiently for every year but cannot access until my business slows is one I started years ago and thta is to load my 4WD eqipped with studded snow tires, find an extended stay hotel in some small town at the base of a mountain range, and set up as a central point from which to sally forth daily into different parts of the particular range. There are few people on the roads and it is an ideal get away from the herd and maddening crowds. I have a top on the back of my truck that affords a warm sleeping place and am outfilled to be able to survive for a three week period with supplies if necessary. Some of my most memorable moments have been sleeping in the back when I required a rest from some of my non stop driving trips and made I series highway rest stops a temporary resting place.
While alone at these non scheduled stops, I have felt alone(in a good sense), isolated, at peace and secure. These feelings are more intense and close at times when there are storms and I revel in the comforting security of my small but comfy truck top as I regard the cold, winds, and snow from which I am sheltered. It is a great feeling…perhaps the cold, wind and driving snows represent to me the outside world in all it’s phases of presented problems…makes sense to me.
Being alone can be the best experience for some of us, and certainly for me, it is. Do others understand? Not really, but a few who are close to me do. Does it bother me if some do not get it? I could give a rat’s ass, it is my life, and time being the coin of life, nobody is going to be allowed to spend it for me.
To others who do the same thing, I always tell them that being alone, at least one can be sure he/she is in good company. hmmmmm
We make our own happiness. God gave us a gift of life, and how we use it is up to us. Do not lets others get you down for this season, because happiness and love was given to us all on the day Jesus was born. That is our gift. Not the hurrying, the presents,and people. This year I choose to say Merry Christmas to everyone I come in contact with, because it IS to remember our gift. I was always told we make our own happiness, and I believe that now. I used to bah humbug, nobody loves me, family stinks, BUT not anymore . I put those people that are not living in the spirit that this season, a side and I pray for them every day. I will not make my life miserable because others are selfish, demanding, non caring, lying, deceitful people. I try to find people who are like minded and share my time with them, and if they are not my family, then so be it. One thing is for sure – NO NOT sit home alone and be depressed. Go out into the world and find someone to be with, give love and hope for the world by being a child of God and spread the joy of life. There are churches to belong to, groups for person wanting to find other people to share life with. On Christmas help at a shelter or a soup kitchen – Go to church or a walk to enjoy what God has given all of us.
Oh, and by the way – just to let you know – I am not a sugar plum fairy – I am someone who took a good hard look at their life and have had 3 bad marriages, manage depression, decided not to go to my own daughters wedding and have cut ties with my so called dishonest brother and sister. After I became a truly born again Christian, and not a pretend one, I have found that happiness is within and our life is what we make it.
So get out there and enjoy your life – don’t waste it.
God Bless you this Jesus season.
The holidays are so bittersweet and that used to bother me a lot, but there’s nothing wrong with it. It is what it is. There’s a lot to be said for just being present with your life wherever you’re at, practicing acceptance and being compassionate with yourself. I love the Beatles song Let it Be this time of year. It reminds me to do that.
“It’s quite okay to feel what you feel.”
Thank you for that! It is something I never, never hear and it feels quite liberating. I’ve offered it to others, but I can’t think of a time when it was ever reciprocated. It offers a realistic balance instead of feeling constantly bombarded by myths and crushed by unattainable role models of unrelenting happiness. I just can’t measure up to that unrealistic mantra because it just isn’t my reality.
I also don’t like feeling pressured to give gifts and the financial strain it imposes on people who may be strained enough as it is. I dislike feeling manipulated, controlled and obligated.
I am not a Grinch for taking care of myself. A few seasons ago I knew one of my husband’s friends was alone, but I didn’t invite him over. Normally, I would have and I used to extend invitations to some people who were alone. I would make a feast, etc., and that was one way that I would give of my time and energy, and money. And for my time and efforts, I’ve consistently found that most people demonstrate selfishness and lack of gratitude. I’ve become very turned off by it and don’t feel like “giving ’til it hurts”. In my attempts to relate to others about these problems, I’ve often been told to give, even when people do not appreciate your giving. I think this is very bad advice and also enabling behavior. It felt foreign and uncomfortable for me to say NO. I felt guilt and examined that, but I think it was a healthy step for me to take too–to not allow others to bully, pressure or to constantly try to dictate and impose on me to give more than what I want to give.
I actually knew this woman who tried to impose on me to bake her a peach pie and she wanted to offer me $8 dollar to make it. The ingredients alone, not to mention my time, would have cost me far more. This self-important, whiny ingrate (always sniveling about her mean mother) was a government worker to boot. What a manipulative idiot! I told one of my friends (a man who encouraged me to dump her) that it had made me so mad, that I had concocted an idea of purchasing a store bought sale pie and then tacking on additional fees, so that I could then pass it off to her as home-made pie. Of course, I didn’t actually carry out my plan, but the thought was enjoyable.
I love that song, “Let it Be” too and thank you for reminding me of it. It’s so very lovely and comforting and being compassionate with self is an important reminder–one that tends to get drowned out by the give to others mantra. Giving by taking care of oneself is important too.